J. J. Abrams is directing Star Wars Episode VII

Eh? Eh??!!

So, after all the speculation, with names such as Matthew Vaughn (would've been awesome), Jon Favreau (might've been awesome), Brad Bird (also would've been awesome), Colin Trevorrow (have no damn idea, haven't seen Safety Not Guaranteed), as well as Zack Snyder's rumored Seven Samurai/Jedi spinoff (which could be awesome, or crash and burn like Sucker Punch), it appears now that J. J. Abrams has officially secured the directing gig of Star Wars Episode VII. And honestly? I feel that there's no better choice. Oh sure, Joss Whedon, Bird or Vaughn could have definitely made a killer Star Wars film, but Abrams is the obvious right man for the job, if a slightly safe pick. As evidence, I present Star Trek, by which I mean the 2009 franchise reboot/reset/prequel/sequel/whatever-this-damn-time-travel-fuckery-makes-it-in-terms-of-continuity which Abrams spearheaded. Within, he clearly retunes the idea of Trek by making it bigger, louder, more character-driven, less philosophically or technologically minded, and more commercially viable. And while you can argue that this devalued everything that Gene Roddenberry created the series to stand for, it also can't be argued that the film is a big load of good old-fashioned sci-fi blockbuster fun. As a matter of fact, I would argue, between its Han Solo-ization of Kirk, its Obi-Wan-ization of Old Spock, and its focus on character and pace, its not only a refreshing take on Star Trek, but it's also a better Star Wars film than the prequels. It has everything that those effects-driven emotionally-empty corporate monstrosities lacked. So, I think Abrams is a great choice, Fanboy worlds colliding notwithstanding. Seriously, how bizarre is it that the same guy may now be in charge of the two biggest sci-fi franchises of all time? Just wanted to say a little piece on why I love Abrams for this, so that's all. But if you're still not sure that he's worthy of the position, keep an eye on his upcoming sci-fi blockbuster, Star Trek Into Darkness. Maybe a little Benedict Cumberbatch will change your mind.

You think your world is safe... but you underestimate the power of the dark side. And deductive reasoning. By the way Kirk, your daddy issues are written all over your torn left sleeve.