Game of Thrones Season 3 Recap - "Valar Dohaeris"

WHERE ARE MY DRAGONS??!! AND MY STRONG BELWAS??!!

Note: SPOILERS for up to and including A Storm of Swords may follow. You hath been warned.

I'm going to open this review/recap with a not-so-bold guess:

Season 4 of Game of Thrones will ultimately be the best remembered of the series. That's right, 4, not 3, and I'll explain why.

Two years ago, I almost started a weekly blog post about the HBO TV series based on acclaimed fantasy writer George R. R. Martin's epic fantasy novels, A Song of Ice and Fire. However, I ended up deciding that the show's audience, that being that of a genre series on premium cable, was too small for me to want to weigh in. "This isn't like some big summer blockbuster like The Avengers or The Hobbit", I thought. "This is just a niche genre show that no one but fantasy fans and book fans will see". And now here I sit typing in 2013, and I couldn't have been more wrong. Now, Game of Thrones is a cultural phenomenon, and one shared by the mainstream. Despite the narrative and thematic complexity, the high audience expectations, the somewhat audience-limiting fantastical elements, and the sprawlingly enormous cast of characters, more and more people continue to tune in, and more and more people are enthralled. Even more importantly, people that don't normally read on a regular basis are picking up and reading the massive books (myself included). Thus, I already have a general idea of what's going to happen in this third season, based on the first half of Martin's A Storm of Swords.

Now, back to my prediction (though I've already noted here that my predictions are often proven wrong). It just so happens that A Storm of Swords is also my favorite book so far in A Song of Ice and Fire. I have not yet had the opportunity to read A Feast for Crows or A Dance with Dragons, so that may change, but for now, the third volume is my favorite. The first two seasons were both brilliant distillations of A Game of Thrones (a very direct adaptation) and the more sprawling and difficult A Clash of Kings (more alterations that ultimately mostly made the series better for it). However, A Storm of Swords is so massive that showrunners David Benioff and D. B. Weiss have decided that it needed two seasons to be properly told, and I couldn't agree more. I feel even more confident of this upon viewing tonight's season premiere, "Valar Dohaeris". However, while the climax of this season, if it is as it was in the book, will indeed be earth-shattering (as well as a springboard for the events to come), especially for the non-readers who found Ned Stark's death in "Baelor" shocking, season 4 will contain most of the real meat inside A Storm of Swords. That isn't to say that this season will be any slouch, though, and though "Valar Dohaeris" will probably never be anyone's favorite episode (like last season's premiere, "The North Remembers", it has much to do and only so much time to do it, and less thematic material to link the threads together), it nevertheless remains a solid welcome back into this world. On to the recap, after the jump (and my favorite GIF of all time):

People who were bored to hell with Dany last season will be happier here.

I was hoping "Valar Dohaeris" would begin right where last season's finale, "Valar Morghulis", (big ass wink for readers, as well as a thematic bridge for the episode with the "all men must serve" thing, but it's just weird to me that an episode with this title wouldn't include Arya) left off, and I wasn't disappointed, as we cut to Samwell Tarly being saved from a Wight by the Lord Commander. And yes, we didn't get to see any of the Others' attack on the Fist of the First Men, but this is a TV show with a limited budget, so I'll give that a pass, much as I'll pass Tyrion getting knocked out right at the start of the battle in "Baelor". After we deal with this, as well as Jon Snow meeting Mance Rayder, The wildling King Beyond the Wall (Ciarán Hinds will be AWESOME on this show, by the way, even if he isn't exactly my mental picture of Mance), we spend most of the rest of the episode either in King's Landing with the Lannisters and Sansa, on Dragonstone or elsewhere with Davos, Stannis, and Melisandre, or across the Narrow Sea with Daenerys and Jorah. And I must say, it's good to see Peter Dinklage as the newly scarred Tyrion again, even if he was keyed down a bit in this episode (though he did get one great line about how he "sometimes drank with the harlots"). His situation is quite a reversal from last year, what with daddy Tywin holding him in an iron grip, and him being essentially powerless, with his lovable sociopathic sellsword/friend Bronn demanding even more money out of him for protection. I could talk about how some scenes are pitch-perfect book-adapted all day (The Tyrion-Tywin scene is nearly word-for-word from the pages of the novel, as is the hilarious exchange between Daenerys and Astapor slaver Kraznys mo Nakloz), but the scenes I'll talk mostly about in these recaps are the ones wholly invented for the series:

1. Bronn getting it on in the whorehouse. Usual GoT-style nudity/exposition, though it is kind of funny how he viciously threatens to murder Pod for interrupting him.

2. Tyrion and Cersei talking in his quarters. Set-up for the Tywin-Tyrion scene, usual Tyrion-Cersei back-and-forth, just like last year. Great stuff from Dinklage and Lena Headey, as usual. It's followed up by a scene with Tyrion and Bronn that's technically not in the book, but is basically the same stuff.

3. Robb, Cat, Talisa, and Roose Bolton at Harrenhal. Apparently, after Arya, Hot Pie, and Gendry escaped last season, the Lannisters abandoned Harrenhal, and the Mountain, Gregor Clegane, left 200 slaughtered Northmen behind. At this point in the book, the Starks, under the command of Bolton, had already taken Harrenhal in A Clash of Kings, with Arya escaping after they had already occupied it. Presumably this scene is there to A) Remind us Robb is a person, who married for love and not duty, and is still at war with the Lannisters; B) Remind us that Cat released Jaime last season, and is technically being considered a prisoner; C) Lord Karstark is PISSED; D) Allow Bolton to hold Harrenhal, so he can be in command when Jaime and Brienne arrive later; and E) Introduce Qyburn, a character included in A Clash of Kings but omitted last season, who becomes more important later on. As important as this scene is narratively, thematically all I can muster is an "Eh"

4. Shae, Ros, Sansa, and Littlefinger at the docks. Despite Ser Dontos showing up in last season's premiere, it's clear now that his role as Sansa's "savior" has been wholly transferred to Littlefinger, and that's fine by me. More Littlefinger the better, I say, and the fact that Sansa's still willing to trust anyone is a critical mistake on her part, though at least she's learned that she sucks at lying. Meanwhile, Shae and Ros talk about how far they've come and their service to their employers, which is a good showcase for how great these two mostly invented characters are. Shae was in the book, certainly, but her strong-willed goodness is a trait exclusive to the show, which not only makes her a far more interesting and likable character, but also makes me wonder how the writers are going to handle her departure, as her death in the books probably won't fit. Ros, on the other hand, is a composite character of a million different characters who suffered misfortunes in the series, and she has also be surprisingly well-done. Also, HOLY SHIT LITTLEFINGER RECOGNIZED ARYA WHEN HE WAS MEETING WITH TYWIN LAST SEASON AND DIDN'T SAY A GODDAMN THING. THAT SLY BASTARD.

5. Daenerys and her dragons on the boat to Astapor. While there was a scene on a boat in the book, it was under much different circumstances (Dany had already teamed up with "Arstan Whitebeard" and Strong Belwas (more on him later), and was sailing for Pentos when she suddenly decided to change course to Astapor), but still serves the same narrative purpose. It was a nice touch to have the Dothraki puking everywhere, with them never being on the water and all, and flowed nicely from the promise of them buying a ship at the end of last season. Also, the CGI dragons are probably the best CGI in television history. We're talking near-summer blockbuster quality here.

5.  Davos directly confronting Melisandre. This scene was FANTASTIC, possibly my favorite of the episode (except for maybe Dany and Kraznys). In the book, Davos was arrested for plotting to kill Melisandre upon arriving at Dragonstone; here, we get a direct confrontation where he tries to knife her in the back and IS DRAGGED OFF SCREAMING MADLY. Stannis is clearly not all-there after his scene (also invented) in last year's finale, as he has come to trust only Melisandre, and burns anyone alive who disagrees (as in the book). But, yeah, this was great. I love Davos Seaworth, and his stuff in this episode, where he continues to try to save Stannis from himself, continues to be awesome. Liam Cunningham nails it perfectly, too.

6. Joffrey in his Kingcage, Charitable Margaery in Flea Bottom, and dinner with the royal family. This scene was a good thread from last year's pragmatic Margaery, who not only wants to be "the queen", but also apparently a beloved one, as she does everything she can to make the smallfolk of King's Landing forget that Joffrey's such a hateful little shit. Meanwhile, Joff, apparently fearing another attack of the cow pies, hides in a little carried King-mobile with flaps in order to talk to his Kingsguard. I seriously love that Joffrey's afraid to leave his little carrying case in public, as it highlights what a two-faced big-talking coward he is, and the more Coward Joffrey the better, I say. Meanwhile, I also love that he seems so timid around Margaery. When he's betrothed to an innocent like Sansa, he's a torturous little devil, but when he's engaged to a smart, capable woman who knows how the game is played, he becomes this clumsily mannered stammering simpleton. Also, Cersei dressing in Tyrell-style garb to kiss ass, presumably to Ser Loras, who's probably her next conquest in using her "best weapon" (Though he may have a hard time getting past the whole "she was married to his former gay lover's fatass king brother").

7. The Reintroduction of Barristan Selmy. In A Clash of Kings, a scene much like this happens, only Ser Barristan introduces himself as "Arstan Whitebeard" and he is accompanied by an enormous black eunuch named Strong Belwas. Later on in A Storm of Swords, which would have most likely taken place in season 4, he is outed as the former Lord Commander of Robert Baratheon's Kingsguard. Here, due to the fact that anyone with a brain would recognize Selmy from season 1 (presuming they remember him), they wisely dispose of that plot twist (though I practically leapt with excitement after reading it in the book) and simply introduce him outright. This is fine, but goddamn it, if Belwas doesn't show up at some point it will be a severe disappointment.

Other things:

- They redesigned the opening credits once again to re-include Dragonstone, as well as introduce Astapor as the new closer replacing Qarth. The animation for Astapor is damn impressive. Also, Oona Chaplin (Talisa) and Rose Leslie (Ygritte) have been upgraded to main cast members. Curiously, Ciarán Hinds (Mance) is not in the credits, so presumably, we may not be seeing him often.

- That giant in the wildling camp was also awesome, as was the introduction of Tormund Giantsbane.

- No Arya, no Jaime, no Brienne, no Bran, no Theon (though when he'll show up again, I have no idea), no Hound, no Varys this week. I feel that Arya's storyline has been tamed a bit (no killing the guy with Needle at Harrenhal's gates, and we already know that she won't kill the Tickler), but it's still too early to tel, so we'll just have to see how exactly she gets onto that Braavosi ship. Also, I needs more Jaime and Brienne. NOW. I didn't really miss Bran or Theon, though, but they've changed so much in their storylines (No Ramsay (yet), no Reeds (but we know they're coming), and Bran and Rickon are still together) that I have know idea what's going to happen next there.

- That nipple cutting-thing.... I know we've seen dudes' heads cut off and everything (hell in the COLD open (LOLZ), we see a man of the Night's Watch with his head in his hands), but that was just nasty.

- Can we somehow make Kraznys a regular cast member? I could read his subtitles every day for the rest of my life, and it would never stop being funny.

- Why are assassins from Qarth trying to kill Dany? I get that in the book, they're pissed about the House of the Undying, but in the series, we're given no reason to believe that any of the Warlocks of Qarth are still alive. Whatever. The Qarth storyline was far and away the weak point of last season (There wasn't much to it in the book and even less in the show), so if assassins are coming, let's get them out of the way and move on.

- Damn, the budget has gone up again. Not only are the CGI effects better, but so are the visuals in general. I particularly liked the daytime version of Dragonstone.

Overall, though, it was a solid premiere, if not quite as solid as "The North Remembers" last season (the comet tying everyone together gives it a leg up), and a successful reintroduction to Westeros. Welcome back, Game of Thrones.

Grade: 8 out of 10.

Also, for kicks, I'm going to try to interpret what every episode title of this season means:

1. "Valar Dohaeris" = "All men must serve". Duh. Also, it thematically ties in to the ideas of Tyrion basically being shoved out of power and forced into servitude to his father, Davos' imprisonment by Stannis, Jon Snow attempting to join Mance and the wildlings, or the Unsullied, and their forced servitude to (soon) Daenerys, or even Margaery "serving" her people in Flea Bottom.

2. "Dark Wings, Dark Words" = My best (and only) guess is Sam sending the ravens, telling Castle Black of the White Walker invasion of the fist. He failed to do it this week, maybe he'll manage next time.

3. "Walk of Punishment" = My only guess here is the trek from the Fist by the Night's Watch back to Craster's Keep. Presumably this is where Sam will become "Sam the Slayer".

4. "And Now His Watch Is Ended" = Either Lord Commander Mormont's death, or Jon Snow "deserting" the watch.

5. "Kissed by Fire" = Ygritte and her hair. Presumably this is where her and Jon Snow sex it up.

6. "The Climb" = Wildlings scaling the Wall, as shown in the trailer.

7. "The Bear and the Maiden Fair" = Well, it's a song, but this is a tough one. It could be Jaime/Brienne (lol), The Hound and Arya, Tyrion and Sansa, Daenerys and Daario (if he's introduced here), etc. It could also have to do with Beric Dondarrion and the Brotherhood Without Banners.

8. "Second Sons" = Daenerys and the Unsullied vs. the Yunkai and Second Sons mercenaries. Also could refer to Tyrion, Bran, possibly Jon Snow, or again, all of the above.

9. "The Rains of Castamere" = Um. Spoiler Again. THE RED WEDDING. No need to elaborate. Hello, season 3's "Baelor/Blackwater".

10. "Mhysa" = Daenerys frees the Yunkai slaves. Presumably Meereen will be in season 4.

I'll be back next week, with a (hopefully briefer) recap of "Dark Wings, Dark Words".

One more time, for good measure:

Never gets old.